Last Monday night. (Take that, Katy Perry!)

My week started off poorly and I don't even know why. It just did. So I called my mom during my lunch, because that's what I do when I'm having a bad day. I confessed to eating a fun size Snickers bar at lunch. Her response, "Oh it must be bad, you don't even like chocolate." Yup, mom, it was that bad. So I skipped my Monday night meeting at work and came home early so I could blast some Ray LaMontagne, dance with the dogs, drink some wine and cook. I cook when I'm stressed. It stems from one summer when I worked on a train and was on duty seven days a week. Full disclosure, I worked for the train for something like ten summers and was their marketing director by the time I was 23. I met some of the most amazing people working for the train and still am close with a few of them. I also still have some awesome recipes from our train chefs over the years.

I lived with the CEO of my company in the summers in Sandpoint, Idaho, whom I refer to as my Fake Mom. In a previous life, she ran a catering company. And before that, lived on a ranch and fed about a million people on a daily basis. My love of cooking, in part, comes from her. We would have this terribly long day at work, come home, crack a bottle of wine, get to cooking, and just talk. Some of our best ideas for the business happened while we were grilling steaks, browning mushrooms or making hash browns. She taught me how to cut an avocado, how to grill a steak, how to caramelize onions and how not to take shit from anybody. In the kitchen or in the boardroom. It was eye-opening. And life changing. So after a long day, I like to get down in the kitchen. And so I did.

I also ended up breaking into a house that night. In a dress. In 40 mph winds. But I'll get to that part in a minute.

So I get home. Let the dogs out. Light some candles because my house smells like wet dog and I just can't stand it. Open a bottle of Elk Cove Pinot Noir, which is my favorite wine ever. Seriously, try in now. It's from the Willamette Valley and that alone makes me swoon. I decided to make a pasta dish based on a Jamie Oliver recipe. I've made this recipe so many times it's taken on a life of its' own. Basically, it's a spicy bread crumb thing that impresses every time.

The Naked Chef's Spicy Pasta

Ingredients

big old handful whole wheat pasta

half a baguette, food processed up into bread crumbs

fresh thyme

garlic - lots and lots, to taste

olive oil

red chili pepper flakes

one container anchovies

Directions

Basically, rip the bread up, toss it in the food processor. Pulse it until it's in crumbles. Add some olive oil in, the thyme and some of the garlic. Once it's all blitzed together. Warm about two tablespoons of olive oil in a large pan, when it's hot, dump the bread crumb mixture in and sort of fry it until it's nice and crispy. When it's cooked, drain it on a paper towel.

Now start the pasta water - salt it, bring it to a boil, throw in the pasta and let it go for about 7-8 minutes. While this is happening, throw a bit more olive oil in the big pan you just took the bread mix out of. Add some more garlic, wait 30 seconds and dump the container of anchovies in and the red chili pepper flakes. Stir 'em around and let them dissolve. This takes a few minutes, then add the bread mix back in.

Drain the pasta, add that in the sauce pan as well. I find that using tongs really helps mixing this concoction up and serving it. Serve in shallow bowls with your favorite wine.

Now, if you are hesitant to use anchovies, don't be. They dissolve completely when you cook them in this recipe so that you are just left with the essence of the sea. That sultry, salty taste that is just so good. This is why you shouldn't salt anything in this recipe aside from the pasta water.

Still curious about the breaking and entering? I thought you might be. My friend Jackie managed to lock herself out, so of course she calls me to help her break in. Should I be upset or flattered? I think flattered. So my roommate and I grab a toolbox and a step-ladder and head over. Amanda almost gets in the front door with a credit card - I was shocked that this was a real thing. We hem and haw over how to get in, try some stuff and fail. So I call my wind farm friends in town to ask for a certain type of screwdriver to get the storm window off. I go down to the bar to grab keys/screwdriver and instead they send me back to the house with a wind farmer. He brought his beer. He too, was unsuccessful with the breaking in. So he called another guy. Who showed up with the right tools and got us in right quick. And then we went to the bar and had a beer. Because after standing in the cold for almost an hour in a wrap dress with a fierce wind, I was ready for a beer. So we had a beer, and then we came home and finished dinner, shocked that the dogs had not helped themselves to the food on the counter. It was a Leap Year miracle.

So the morale of this story? If you're stressed about something, make some cookies or some soup. You will absolutely feel better when you see a meal come together. Or eat a bit of cookie dough batter.

Bountiful Baskets.

Those of you I speak with on a regular basis know that I have serious issues with the grocery store in my town. And yes, there is only one. It's M.O. is to charge people about twice what we'd pay anywhere else. Back in September, a four-pack of Tillamook butter was six dollars. For reals. Redneck bacon is around $14 and sweet potatoes have even been near $2/pound. It is out of hand. Also, they have no sparkling water which just pisses me right off. I have to import from Costco. I can't be the only person up here who digs San Pellegrino. I was told by somebody up here last year that he only ever saw me in produce section and it's true. Everything else I buy in Whitefish or Missoula when I visit.

However, it was only true until a few weeks ago when Bountiful Baskets decided to have a site in Cut Bank. I'll explain what BB is in a few minutes, but just know that every week, the program has sold out in about 15 minutes. That's how starved this town is for fresh, affordable produce. Now I've done CSA shares before, where you get produce delivered every week and it was always amazing. The people I had the share with had this incredible cookbook all about vegetables and we would reference it every week in order to figure out how to cook some of the produce we got. So when I heard about the BB program up here, I knew I had to jump on board.

The BB program is unique in that there is no required time commitment. There are a limited number of shares each week and when they are gone, they're gone. I like that if I know I'm going to be out of town, I don't have to send someone to pick up my share or worry about produce going to waste, I can just not buy a share that week.

There's a basic basket that you get for $15 ($10 more if you prefer organic). There are also a variety of add-ons you can do every week. This week the options were honey, 9-grain bread, a citrus box, and an Asian vegetable pack. I opted for the regular basket and added the Asian pack. Why? Because the only bean sprouts I can find on the Hi-Line come in a can. That is all.

Basically, the bottom line is that you should all check out this program if you live somewhere that you might not have access to the best produce year round. The above picture is my haul from just this week. My roommate and I have so many veggies we don't know how we are going to eat them all. We got mangoes, apples, oranges, a whole pineapple, bananas (14 of them!), celery, carrots, kale, onions, garlic, cukes, lettuce, bok choy, ginger, green onions, napa cabbage, water chestnuts, snap peas, anaheim chilies, mini peppers, and who knows what else. My mind seriously went into overload with all the different things I was thinking about making.

So check out Bountiful Baskets. You can thank me later. You know, with some produce. Or bacon. I'll always accept bacon in place of cash or veggies.

Guacamole.

Is there anything better than homemade guacamole? I think not. The only thing that could have upped the ante on this night would have been those handmade tortilla chips from Pattee Creek Market in Missoula. Those things are my crack. It's good I no longer live a few blocks away from that hypnotic place. Anywho, back to the guac.

One night a few weeks ago, my roommate and I were feeling super lazy and decided to have appetizers for dinner. We have a couple of avocados sitting around so I decided to whip up some guac to eat for dinner. Honestly I would have been happy with just that. But we threw in some hot wings and celery so we could have a "balanced" meal.

Guacamole is so easy to make, and i don't think people realize that. My roommate had never had it made from anything but the packaged seasoning, which broke my heart. And after that night, I don't think she'll make it any other way than from scratch. It's that delicious.

Guacamole

couple of avocados

How do you tell if they avocados are ripe, you ask? Well, gently press the outside of the avocado and if it gives just a bit, it's ready. If you buy them before they are ripe and want to use them quickly, just toss 'em in a paper bag and close it up for a day or two so they can ripen. Cut in half, cross hatch it with a knife and scoop it out with a spoon. On the half with the seed, sort of slam your knife blade into it, make sure it's secure, twist and the seed will pop out.

garlic, minced - lots and lots if you're me. just do it to taste kids.

lime or lemon juice - and if you happen to have it around, some zest

red chili pepper flakes - again, to taste

red onion - maybe a 1/4 cup, minced

cilantro, chopped - to taste, I love cilantro so I usually chop up somewhere close to a loosely-packed cup

tomato - small, deseeded, chopped

So into a large bowl toss the avocados, red onion, garlic, tomato and citrus. Using a pestal, mash it all up.

Sprinkle the red chili flakes over the top and mash it up so more, yo'. Last, but certainly not least, add the cilantro and gently mash one more time. Treat it like a lady this time, with a little finesse.

See, guacamole is easy, peesy, lemon, squeezey. It's a great item to take to a party, or when you're curled up in your jams watching tv on a Saturday night because you live in the smallest town ever and there's not much to do and the wind is blowing at 50 mph and you just don't want to leave the house. Hypothetically speaking, of course. So every once in a while, I think it's okay to just have chips and guac for dinner. Because if you have chips and guac every week, it just doesn't taste as good.

Black Bean Soup.

You may have noticed I haven't posted a recipe in a bit. I just didn't think I could top bacon jam. I considered pulling a Costanza and going out while I was on top, but I just couldn't do it. So tonight I thought I'd share with you one of my favorite soups. It comes courtesy of my college roommate Maggie and goes well with homemade cornbread. Now Maggie was (and still is, I bet) a stickler for following a recipe. I was (and no surprise, still am not) a stickler for that sort of thing. But in her honor, I will actually write explicit directions for this soup. A word to the wise, make it in the winter. I've made it only once in the summer, the summer after college to be exact. I was living with my dear friend Anne in Milwaukee, it was over 100 degrees and we didn't have AC. I don't know what I was thinking, making soup in that kind of weather. I mean, my glasses fogged up every time I stepped out of the air-conditioned bliss of my Subaru and into the muggy, humid hell that was Milwaukee. This particular time I added way too many chili flakes and I think Annie and I killed a sixer of Leinie's Red just getting through one bowl of soup each. So here is the original recipe...

Magstar's Black Bean Soup

1 link chorizo (beef or pork, both are good)

1 medium yellow onion

2-3 garlic cloves, minced (honestly, I use 6-7)

1 green pepper, chopped (I use 2)

1/4 tsp red pepper flakes (this girl uses 1-2 tsp)

1/2 tsp ground cumin (again 1-2, but really I just shake that shit in there until I think it looks good)

1/4 tsp sea salt

2 tbsp olive oil

3 c chicken broth (I have never measured this, just pour it in until it looks good...are you sensing a theme here? Maggie must have hated cooking with me.)

2 16oz cans of black beans, rinsed and drained

Cook first seven ingredients for 10 minutes. Add broth and beans and cook for another 20-30 minutes on low heat. Mash beans to thicken soup if you wish. Serve it up, garnish with cilantro, sour cream/yogurt, or cheese if you wish.

So I did write the original, but added my alterations as parenthetical asides, mostly so I could use the word parenthetical. I like big words. And good food. And leaving only one space between sentences, as old copywriting habits are hard to break. I just also think it looks good. Just like I think food should usually look as good as it taste. So make it pretty when you eat. Add a cloth napkin, or a garnish, just something that makes you appreciate what you're about to eat just a little bit more. It will taste even better. Promise.

Bacon Jam. For Reals.

Does it sound weird? Yes. But it tastes delicious. Trust me on this. I would never steer you wrong when it comes to bacon. Before I get into the bacon jam, please allow me to wax philosophical about bacon. It will only take a moment. It's the gateway meat. Seriously. Ask any person who used to be a vegetarian, and most likely it was bacon that lead him/her back to the dark side. For me it was a Portillo's Maxwell Street Polish Dog, but it could have been bacon. I am such a fan of bacon that my brother got me an "I heart bacon" sticker a few years ago for Christmas. It's on the ski box on my car and yes, I do feel a bit superior riding around town with it. Don't be jealous. I can get you one too. I know a guy.

But I digress... Bacon jam was not something I ever intended to make. My friend Jamie suggested I try some on a previous post, so I went and looked it up.

Instead of buying it from the place she suggested, I decided to make my own.

So I googled some recipes and picked one, ad-libbing it just a bit. It's super easy, basically you cook the bacon, carmaelize a bunch of onions, add some spices, toss it all in the slow-cooker and three hours later, dump it out and blitz it in the food processor, can it and chill it.

So easy and so delicious. And yes, I was drinking martinis while I made the bacon jam. They were delicious too. Thanks for asking.

Now, as for the jam, the original recipe I used is here. I added a few more onions and didn't really measure the brown sugar or garlic. I let it cool before I tried it...the night after I made it, I just added a dollop to some roasted sweet potatoes and I thought it was just divine. It had a bit of kick to it, thanks to the hot sauce in the recipe. But I didn't quite trust my own judgement, and knew I needed to have some other people sample it.

Luckily, I went to a G.N.A.R. party Saturday night, where the average party attendee was male and in his 30's...my target audience.

Sidenote, if you love skiing, you must watch G.N.A.R. now. Seriously, stop reading and go find it. It's a bad-ass ski movie. Also, I'm the best skier on the mountain. Just keep that in mind. End sidenote.

So naturally, I brought some bacon jam and had them all try it. We even put some in dough and deep-fried it. (I really love it when a bunch of people get together and just start frying shit. It's pretty rad.) This photo is pre-deep fry. And yes, we also deep-friend Kit-Kats. And M & M's. And tomato and cheese balls. Also, beer goes really well with all these things.

The jam got rave reviews all around. Not too shabby for my first batch. My roommate and I had some more on a baguette tonight, you know, just to make sure it was still okay.

It so was.

The bottom line is, make it if you like bacon. It's easy and delicious. Have it on hand to take to a party, or eat it with a spoon right out of the jar. I know I'm not the only one out there who loves bacon.

Cranberry Upside-Down Cake.

Cranberries. A versatile fruit and a sexy one. They can rock savory or sweet, dried or fresh. I'll be honest, I've kind of been obsessed lately. I've always included dried cranberries in the stuffing I make at Thanksgiving, but most other times I try to use cranberries, I have failed epically. For the past few years, my mom and I have attempted to make our own cranberry sauce and every year, it's too runny and it just pisses me right off. But maybe next year will be different - so Mom, start looking for a recipe because it's your year to pick!

Now let's talk cake. I'm more of a team pie girl myself, but I love this cake because it's not too much. It's light - tasting that is - please, it's got almost two sticks of butter in it. I also like that it's not chocolate. The first time I made this, right before Christmas to take to a friend's house for dinner, it was much easier than I expected it to be. I've since made it a couple more times and it just gets easier. Reasons I love this dish: It can be done in one pan and I get to use cast iron which just makes me happy. Also, it's just plain good eats. Some days I really think I would have been a pretty bad-ass pioneer woman, cooking with the cast iron and all.

You know who else is bad-ass? Nigella Lawson, that's who. I usually just have one of her cookbooks sitting on my coffee table just to page through. My favorite Nigella cookbook for winter time is How to Be a Domestic Goddess. It has all manner of delicious recipes in it for browsing and cooking on a chilly Sunday afternoon. I make notes on the pages based on what I did differently each time, if the cooking time is off for high altitudes or if I added something that was really excellent. My pancake recipe is in the book, as is my go-to cupcake recipe. Today's recipe comes from the Christmas section, but is great all winter long.

Cranberry Upside Down Cake

What You'll Need

scant 3/4 c unsalted butter (that means just barely)

1 c sugar (I like to use sugar in the raw for a bit of crunch, as it won't dissolve all the way)

heaping 3/4 c cranberries

3/4 c self-rising cake flour

pinch of salt

1 tsp cinnamon

2 large eggs

1-1 1/2 tbsp whole milk (seriously, whatever you have in the fridge)

8-inch cast-iron pan

What You'll Do

Pre-heat oven to 350F. Put the cast-iron pan on the burner and melt 1/4 c of the butter. Add 1/2 c of sugar, stir, then empty the cranberries and turn to coat in the syrupy liquid. I like to leave it on the burner for a few minutes, with the sugar in the raw it takes a wee bit longer for the sugar to get syrupy. While it's cooking down, it's time to whip out the cake.

Get your food processor out (or do it by hand if you're old school). Put the flour, salt, cinnamon, remaining sugar, 1/2 c butter and the eggs in the processor and blitz to combine. Pulse while you add enough milk down the funnel to make a batter of soft, drippy consistency. Pour it on top of the berries in the pan and put it immediately in the oven. Cook for 30 minutes or until the cake is bouncy, gold and risen and beginning to shrink back from the edges.

I like to time it so it comes out of the oven as we are sitting down for dinner so that it has a bit of time to cool and then is ready to eat just as dinner is done. After the cake has cooled a bit, put a plate on top of the pan, flip it, and lift the pan off. Sometimes it helps to run a knife around the edges of the pan before you flip.

Serve warm with ice cream. I was so excited to eat the finished cake after I flipped it that I completely failed to take a picture of it. Whoops.

Serves 6-8.

Eat it standing over the counter or eat it for breakfast. Put some nuts in with the cranberries, or don't. Do whatever makes you and your tummy happy. And get ready for next week because it's gonna be big.

Next week, we make bacon jam. That's right, bacon jam.

One martini, two martini, floor.

Martinis. Sometimes I dream about them, the dirtier, the better. And sometimes when I order them in Missoula, in order to pinpoint the exact amount of dirtiness I'm looking for, I'll ask for it Iron Horse dirty, not quite Stockman's dirty. For those of you non-Missoulians, that's like asking for something a little more popped-collar college frat boy and a little less dark and skeezy. And don't get me wrong, dark and skeezy has its place, it's just not in my martini.

But I digress. I had a busy, terrible, no good, very bad week. School is particularly stressful at the moment, as are some other decisions that I'm trying to make. I also work three nights a week at a local pizza joint and we are so busy these days and short-staffed that I am plum run off my feet some days. So when Thursday night came around, I was in no mood to cook, nor was I in any mood to go to the grocery store or get take-out. Take-out in these parts involves driving 25 minutes (each way!) for Chinese or getting pizza at the place I work. And really, I smell like pizza enough that I don't want to go there on my night off. So I was left to create something delicious out of what was already in my kitchen. I failed, sort-of.

Allow me to explain, I was tired and willing to put zero effort into dinner so I ended up standing over the counter, dunking cooked chicken and lettuce into blue cheese dressing. Please don't think less of me. It was a dark moment. But it was pretty tasty. And here's the thing, I have a thing for blue cheese dressing. I tend to not buy it much because I like it so much, it turns out blue cheese dressing isn't so healthy. But I figure I eat darn healthy 90% of the time, so I can buy a jar of my favorite Lighthouse blue cheese dressing every once in a while. And let's be honest, it doesn't last very long on the occasion that I do buy it. While I was eating this delicious, pre-cooked tandoori seasoned (thanks, JJ and Megan!) chicken, I was also drinking martinis. It was that kind of night. I may have had one too many. I hadn't had a martini in a while and had forgotten how potent they could be. Whoops.

My point is, I cook all the time and so I think it's completely okay to not cook, at all, every once in a while. Do I still prefer a hearty, homemade dinner? You bet. But sometimes I prefer a dirty martini and a good laugh while watching Bridesmaids. And that's okay.